23 Cringeworthy Tweets That Perfectly Sum Up Dating
When Charles Dickens wrote “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,” he was talking about the French Revolution — though, let’s be honest: fast forward a 150 years, and Dickens could very well have been writing about modern dating.
Sure, there are good times — great moments, if you will — and then there are the times so awful that you actually find yourself fantasizing about being middle aged and alone, and spending your free time dressing up your army of cats in light up Christmas sweaters.
Below are some of the funniest tweets that prove dating really is “the best of times… the worst of times.”
1.
“I just want a guy that makes me laugh”
*makes her laugh*
“Not you.”
— Aggressively Passive (@theaaronone) January 9, 2016
2.
Dating is collecting information about someone until you realize you don’t like them
— AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) September 17, 2013
3.
Someday you’ll meet someone amazing who just gets you. And they won’t want to date you either
— Hippo (@InternetHippo) July 15, 2015
4.
Nightmare scenario: You start dating someone, and then, after deciding they’re the one, you learn they say gracias to Chipotle employees
— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) November 3, 2015
5.
I won’t even look up from my phone until the 3rd date.
— (((dak))) (@daplusk) November 20, 2015
6.
I know it’s only our second date, Susan, and maybe I’m moving too fast, but I’d like to buy your dog.
— Jason Miller (@longwall26) December 13, 2014
7.
If you love someone:
1. Set them free
2. Drunk dial them
3. Read too much into their FB posts
4. Make them feel sorry for you
5. Die alone— Josh Hara (@yoyoha) May 27, 2013
8.
Relationships are an expensive way to watch someone slowly like you less and less.
— shelby fero (@shelbyfero) May 20, 2014
9.
Let’s talk about TV for two hours and then later my friends and I will determine whether or not you are broken. – dating
— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) August 5, 2015
10.
cool dating life hack:dont
— Teala Dunn (@TTLYTEALA) December 12, 2015
11.
exclusively dating myself
— chipper sabio (@chippsdelight) December 11, 2015
12.
If you love someone:
1. Set them free
2. Drunk dial them
3. Read too much into their FB posts
4. Make them feel sorry for you
5. Die alone— Josh Hara (@yoyoha) May 27, 2013
13.
Answer a girl’s text in under 5 seconds and you’re a stalker; in over 10 seconds, you’re an asshole who doesn’t give a shit about her heart.
— Stephanie McMaster (@Smethanie) August 6, 2013
14.
accidentally sending 😉 instead of 🙂 and feeling like you’ve just offered them your body
— 50 Shades of Awkward (@OhWowThatsAwk) September 9, 2013
15.
Decided to delete all the fluff on my dating profile and just write “Hey, you could do a lot worse.”
— Lori (@HeyitsLori) September 1, 2013
16.
i hate to see girls dating poor dudes like they learned nothing from titanic
— the blowout (@theblowout) October 25, 2013
17.
All I want is a guy who can figure out how to leave me alone while giving me all of his attention simultaneously
— Shira (@shiraselko) August 8, 2013
18.
I can’t even commit to saying hi to my morning McDonalds worker, how am I suppose to say hi first to my future husband on bumble…
— sarah zajic (@smzajic) May 3, 2016
19.
Online dating apps are fun.
Like, lighting my hair on fire and putting it out with gasoline, kinda fun.
— Marta Effing-Diggity (@MartaEffing) May 3, 2016
20.
Me on Tinder:
[swipe, swipe]
[pause]
[swipe, swipe]
[accidentally super like someone i don’t super like]
[swipe]
[get a message]
[close app]— carina (@presidents) May 23, 2016
21.
[first date]
“Tell me two interesting things about yourself”
well I lie when I’m nervous…
“ok…”
and I invented oatmeal— dan mentos (@DanMentos) November 17, 2015
22.
[1st date]
HER: My favorite movie is Zoolander, how bout u?
ME: OMG SAME
HER: What part’s ur fave?
ME: Um [sweating] when he lands a zoo
— Terry F (@daemonic3) August 30, 2016
23.
Guy took me to the $1 movie theater, paid for me, then said in total seriousness “You can pay me back later.” @jimmyfallon #WorstFirstDate
— elyse (@elyseanoush) January 6, 2016
