How To Survive Being Single During The Holidays
Okay, let’s face it. Being single over the holidays sucks. A lot.
But you know what? Being single over the holidays doesn’t have to be all bad. I mean, sure, you’ll probably get too drunk at Christmas dinner and cry to your aunt about your college boyfriend who is now married with kids — and you, you can’t even keep a plant alive or remember when you’re running out of wine and Lean Cuisines — but the entire holiday needn’t be spent depressed.
So shake off that hangover, pour some whisky in your coffee, and prepare to make the most of the season as a #single.
1. Be Lazy At Your Parents’ House
You get to spend your vacation days wearing sweatpants and quite literally drinking your parents’ liquor cabinet dry.
Who’s the real winner here, huh?!
2. Plan A Hometown Night Out
Go out to your old stomping ground, drink sh*tty alcohol, and insist that when your mom picks you and your (adult) friends up in her minivan at 2am she takes you and your degenerate friends to McDonalds before going home.
Sure, you may technically be a grownup, but who says you have to act like it?
3. Be The Cool Aunt/Uncle
Take this opportunity (before you’re tied down with kids of your own) to be the cool family member who takes the kiddos out to R rated movies and lets them eat ice-cream for dinner. They’ll remember these fun bonding moments and you’ll be the favorite forever — plus, you get to give them back.
So what if they basically snorted lines of sugar? You’re not the one putting them to bed. Not your problem.
4. Treat Yo Self
Being able to spend your money however you want is, like, pretty great. You want a designer bag? Buy it. Have your eye on a motorcycle? Get it.
Whatever it is, go ahead and, as Tom Haverford would say, “treat yo self.”
5. Ask For Dumb Stuff
Married people have to ask for useful stuff like towels and Kitchen Aid mixers.
But you? You, the single person, can ask for whatever the hell you want. Skydiving lessons? A spa certificate? Pajoveralls? Go for it.
Sure, your parents might judge you, but they’ve been doing that your whole life so #whatever.
6. Be The Drunkest Person
We don’t mean be the drunkest person at Christmas dinner. Oh, no. That’s amateur. We mean be the drunkest person always.
Basically spend your holiday season toeing the line of “how much can I drink before I end up on an episode of ‘Intervention'”?
7. Hit Up Dial Some Exes
So you’re home for the holidays? Take this opportunity to hit up your old flames (not the married ones) and see if there’s something there.
Sure, ending up with your high school sweetheart after fifteen years apart is kind of cheesy and Lifetime movie-esque… but, uhh, it’ll take you off Tinder.
Things could be worse.
